Village hustlers want for affordable houses to lower the cost of living

The legendary village sage, is a man in turmoil. Waheshimiwa have tied up Orende in circles of money, otherwise known at the Finance Bill. He does not know who is right or wrong in the raging debate, despite being our self-proclaimed wiseman. And he is worried that everyone is pointing guns at waheshimiwa, telling them, ‘Mtaona!’
 
The village thinker has been looking forward to a brand new affordable house. But then he’s been hearing a lot of confusing things about the house. As a matter-of-fact, we are all confused. And, for the first time, even Plato, otherwise known as Orende the Wajackoya-Man, does not know what to believe, or whom to dismiss. Things are elephant here in Emanyulia, the  global headquarters of village wisdom.
 
You see, times were when the hustlers were going about the place, promising other hustlers great things. They said that things would move swiftly from the bottom to the top. Even houses would move from the bottom to the top – that is to say, bottom up economic transformation agenda.
 
Even the poorest hustler would begin living in an affordable house, a real gorofa, at an affordable price. So they made Mister Ruto (Bill) the chief of all hustlers, to bring free houses for those without houses and affordable houses for the rest of us. Then, of course, the man called Agwambo, the impossible man, began causing trouble.
 
Agwambo was saying that our man, Bill, did not win the election. We were very concerned because Agwambo could not tell us how Mister Jose Camargo, whom he said was a friend of Bill and Mr. Wanyonyi Wafula Chebukati, forgot to make the results in Emanyulia Primary School different from those in their computers. So we knew that it was just Agwambo and his sour grapes, saying that our man did not win and going on and on, with bad things about Mister Wanyonyi Wafula wa Chebukati, our own son.
 
We were worried when Mister Agwambo started running in the streets, saying that he was doing a demo – yaani maandamano. But we were relieved that he was just running in Nairobi and Kisumu. Phew! You see, we love peace around here. We were true Nyayo people of love, peace and unity. We have so much love, we even export some of it – to places like there in Nairobi. We can sell surplus love. Willing seller, willing buyer, you see?
 
True that, willing seller, willing buyer. But not so with this housing thing and Finance Bill. They are saying that it is not affordable, even if it is supposed to make homes affordable. Now this is what Orende has been asked to explain, this unaffordable affordable, or affordable unfordable. What is it? How can it be unaffordable, affordable; or affordable, unaffordable. Mister Bill is telling us that it is affordable affordable; and Mister Agwambo is telling us that it is unaffordable, unaffordable. So, some people say; affordable, unaffordable. Others say, unaffordable, affordable. Agwambo says, unaffordable, unaffordable. And Bill says, affordable, affordable.
 
Of course here in Emanyulia we want free houses, not just affordable, affordable, or whatever. But we are asking people to stop pointing guns at each other’s heads and tell us what they mean. You see, we have lived in mud houses since the morning after creation day. Orende was saying that we voted for the hustler so that we can move from these muddy things with grass thatch roofs. Which is a good thing.
 
Even those who brag that they have mabati houses here have only built mgongo punda – this is to say that their two-sided iron roofed houses look like the back of a donkey. We want to move from donkeys  to some proper town stuff. So, someone should tell us the truth about these houses thing, and the Finance thing.
 
For, just when Mr. Ruto (that is to say President Bill) was still telling us about this migration from donkey back to something truly serious, we heard Mister Odinga saying, ‘Punda amechoka.’ Now we don’t know who is tired. Is it the real punda –  that is to say ourselves the people; or is it the small houses that are pretending to be donkeys? Are they tired of us living in them, these punda houses?
 
Some of the people were saying that Mister Odinga was saying something serious. That if they take away all the money – which is like 3 percent of all the money – to build these houses,  that they will become Finance Bill houses. So is this to say that they will belong to Mister Bill or what? This is what Orende cannot explain.
 
What is this Bill thing? Does it mean that we will remain with nothing, like Agwambo is saying, or is it just propaganda? So you see, we are not even sure if it Mister Ruto, or Mister Agwambo who is telling us the truth.
 
You know also, the thing called the cost of living – that is to say ugali kaunga – has become very expensive here in Emanyulia. Your money cannot even buy enough cost of living for your family. You see, long ago, we used to put small-small money in the pocket and go to the market. We came back home with enough cost of living in the basket; sometimes a whole bundle of cost of living.
 
Now you need to put all the money in the basket, and you come back with just a little cost of living that can almost fit in the pocket. Again they are saying – I think it was Mister Riggy G who was saying – that Mister Freedom Uhuru Kenyatta ran away with all the cost of living. That is why we are hungry most of the time, because Mister Freedom took off with everything, and now he is a free man enjoying the cost of living, laughing at us. Someone must explain these things to us.
 
You see,  sometimes we are putting all the money on the wheelbarrow and coming back with just a small cost of living in the pocket. It cannot even make enough cost of living – yaani ugali (obusuma) for all of us. Mister Freedom must come back, to tell us why he ran away to freedom with all our cost of living. He took it to some high Mt. Kenya, we cannot even reach it. That is what he meant when he said he was climbing Mt. Kenya with Agwambo!
 
We want normalcy, which is to say enough cost of living on the table for everybody. We have heard that some people have very heavy cost of living, they cannot even lift it to place it on the table! Ati it is very difficult to place the cost of living on the table? This earth, my brother!
 

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